Particular Jealousy and Persistent Jealousy


Two Sorts of Jealousy

When we talk about dealing with jealousy, there’s sort of two different things we can talk about. We can talk more about dealing with a particular instance of feeling jealous, or we can talk more about jealousy as a persistent feeling.

Particular Jealousy

For dealing with feeling jealousy in a particular moment, my advice tends to focus on letting out emotions in positive ways (like journaling and exercising) or creating distractions (like hanging out with other people). Asking a partner for some reassurance can be good sometimes too.

I think that stuff can be a big help in getting through a specific day (like if you feel bad because your partner is out with someone else), and I think it can work again and again in those instances, but I also think there’s more we can do

Persistent Jealousy

I think persistent jealousy is something that be addressed on some bigger levels.

Some jealousy, I think, is deeply rooted in insecurity and self-esteem. That’s stuff you can work on, and stuff you should work on even if you’re relationships isn’t highlighting the issue.

I also believe you can cultivate different ways of looking at things and reframe how you see stuff. I try to see my relationships in positives as much as possible. I try to focus on what I like about my partners, and what they like about me.

But these things do take time and practice. Nonmonogamy is often a pretty big shift in how people are thinking about their relationships. It can take some adjustment.

One common therapeutic strategy [when working with suicidal patients] is to talk about how much the patient’s parents/friends/girlfriend/pet hamster love them, how heartbroken they would be if they killed themselves. In the absence of better alternatives, I have used this strategy. I have used it very grudgingly, and I’ve always felt dirty afterwards. It always feels like the worst sort of emotional blackmail. Not helping them want to live, just making them feel really guilty about dying. “Sure, you’re a burden if you live, but if you kill yourself, that would make you an even bigger burden!” A++ best psychiatrist.

There is something else I’ve never said, because it’s too deeply tied in with my own politics, and not something I would expect anybody else to understand.

And that is: humans don’t owe society anything. We were here first.
Sadly, brains do not have control-alt-delete.”
“It’d be nice if they did.”
“Then you could just see what processes are running.”
“Force quit, Anxiety! Force quit!”
“Trauma?! When did I open ‘Trauma’?”
“Fucking malware.

http://metaquotes.dreamwidth.org/62794.html (via gramina)

“No wonder it’s running slow, there’s like eight billion background programs running.”

(via jadelyn)


…seriously, this is straight-up genius.

(via nonvolleyball)

Sleep test confirmed that I actually do have eight billion background programs running and that’s why I’m always tired.

(via sabotabby)



Neville as eventual headmaster is very important to me though.

Neville, who thanks to his enduring friendship with Luna sees the vital importance of fostering interhouse relationships, downplays the rivalries between the houses without lessening the importance of intrahouse unity by pushing the Quidditch Cup and House Cup as more friendly competition than all-consuming-must-be-won-enimity and introducing other means of emphasising house pride for those students who are not athletically or academically talented to the point where they feel as though they’re making an important contribution to their house.

Neville, who has so much goodness and kindness in him, having a zero tolerance policy for bullying, by staff or students, and serious punishments set down in official school policy for anyone caught bullying or intimidating a student for any reason.

Neville, who saw first hand just how vital it is, throwing the Ministry-approved DADA curriculum out the window and working with the DADA teacher to build a useful curriculum based on his two most useful years of DADA classes, those being third, under Lupin, and fifth, under Harry.

Neville, who understands how hard it is not to be One Of Those Kids, ruthlessly digging out any elitest groups like the Slug Club and disbanding them.

Neville, who understands that sometimes the teachers don’t choose as wisely as they ought, introducing a democratic system for prefect and Head Boy/Girl selection.

Neville, who knows what it is to be the bottom of the class, making a point of introducing a voluntary tutoring system for students who are in the same position he once found himself in - and making certain that it’s well known that had such a system been in place when he was at Hogwarts, he would certainly have availed of it.

Neville, who is a hero and a marvel and wonderful, brave man, fostering that same bravery and goodness in every one of his students, fighting to help them become the absolute best people they can be regardless of academic talent or world-saving ability.

Neville, who is everything that Albus Dumbledore was not, setting to rights so much of the wrong Dumbledore allowed and sometimes encouraged in Hogwarts.



whenever i see those posts on tumblr that are like “LMAO MASCULINITY IS SO FRAGILE MEN ARE SO WEAK” im just like

well yeah
it is

if you’re a dude and happen to like pink or purple or flowers or something not traditionally masculine you’re accused of being gay or made fun of for “being such a girl”

not our fault that society treats men who happen to like things that are considered feminine like shit

so yeah masculinity is fragile and gender roles are shitty for men too and maybe we should actually like be working to change it instead of making jokes about it every 3 seconds






Still Not a Joke — Good Awareness Campaign From Just Detention International

What if your kid went to jail for trying pot, something that is very probable if your kid is black and living in a state like Texas. Does that mean they deserve to be raped? Does that mean that they should live in conditions that go against all human rights?

Most prison rapes are committed by prison staff. Even if you are heartless and do not care about the prisoners, remember that these prison staff rapists go home to their nice houses in the outside world. Remember that they are your neighbors, maybe they even have babysat your children. Remember that as long as some victims are dehumanized and ignored, many perpetrators will never be caught. And yes, these perpetrators do pose a threat to you and your family. Prison rape, rape in generalis everybody’s problem. And definitely not a fucking joke. 

The idea that prisoners “deserve” to be raped is part of rape culture.
Rape is not a punishment. It can not be earned. It is a crime every single time, no matter what, no matter who the victim is.

No one deserves to be sexually assaulted in any way. NO ONE.







groot is probs assumed to be male but tbh i figure groot is a lil genderless being. who needs the gender binary when you’re a celestial tree creature. riddle me that.

"Are you a boy, or a girl?"
"I am Groot."

Tree sex and gender are actually a fascinatingly complex topic.

From a reproductive perspective, it all comes down to flowers. Like most animals, trees reproduce using “eggs” and “sperm” - in this case, egg cells and pollen - which are both manufactured by flowers. A given flower may produce pollen, egg cells, or both. A flower that produces only pollen is known as “staminate”; one that produces only egg cells, “carpellate”, and one that produces both pollen and egg cells, “perfect” or “bisexual”. This, in turn, yields three possible configurations:

  • All of the tree’s flowers are perfect.
  • Some flowers on the tree are carpellate, and some flowers on the tree are staminate (possibly with some perfect flowers mixed in).
  • The tree has only carpellate flowers, or only staminate flowers.

These three configurations in turn yield numerous permutations. For example, some trees produce mostly or exclusively staminate flowers in the Spring, a mixture of staminate and carpellate flowers in the Summer, and mostly or exclusively carpellate flowers in the Fall. Other trees produce only staminate flowers when young, and gradually transition as they grow until the largest, oldest trees produce only carpellate flowers.

Given such a complicated reproductive dynamic, it’s possible that Groot’s people would have no gender roles - but it’s also possible that they’d have a set of gender roles just as complicated and dynamic as their reproductive roles.

#looooooook #groot #is a complex #multigendered #being #i’m so fucking in love #also #i am groot #is a perfectly valid #gender identity 

A selection of tags from zooeyscigar

I absolutely love the direction this post took.

Thank you, plant science side of tumblr.